How I've made happiness a choice

This has definitely been a theme as of late, but I wholeheartedly believe it. It's been a week since the event that shall not be named and I won't say I'm constantly happy but I'm definitely not constantly sad. And here's how I've done it.

I always choose to listen to happy music. Well, not necessarily happy music but music that focuses on moving on/forward/moving at all. It might not sound like overtly happy music, I tend to like a lot of indie rock/folk rock stuff that has lots of random stringed instruments and piano, but the lyrics bring a clear message: blue skies are coming, if I may quote the wonderful Noah And The Whale. NatW has probably been what I've listened to most, and boy, Charlie Fink sure is magical.

Crying is not an option. There are few things I dislike more than crying, one of those things being crying in front of people. Yes, I understand that crying is therapeutic and really helpful when things are legitimately traumatizing and what not. However, I don't think it holds much weight otherwise. It definitely can relieve some stress but once you're done crying . . . you're kind of back where you started. Also, crying makes my voice get all funny, like I'm losing my voice. I don't like it. Why cry when I can actually make decisions? And start, you know, "moving on."

I thought of things that I love about home. I got stuck in Utah an extra three days and at first I was not happy at all, then I got kind of intrigued by the idea, and then I was very unhappy about it. But I couldn't exactly be sad if I had all these great things to look forward to. For example, driving a car. I went, I believe, just over four months without ever sitting in the driver's seat. Yesterday, my dad let me drive when we picked up the deliciously wonderful thin crust pizza I seriously don't know how I live without when I'm at school. Driving is awesome. So when things were sucky, I just thought about how great it would be to drive a car again. Seriously, it worked.

I wrote on this blog. Some of you might be thinking, "Anna, please stop being so cryptic. What happened? This seems a little passive-aggressive. I'm very confused. When will you go back to writing about random things that are more interesting, like cookies and dating in Utah and music you listen to that no one else does?" Writing all of this stuff has been, not therapeutic per se, but I feel as if it has been really a little bit more, you know, deep. I honestly feel like I've been more personal on this blog in the last week than I have been in a long time. Yeah, I'm not sharing what happened, just because I think it'd be weird to, but I've enjoyed writing about it quite a bit. I like the way I wrote about my thoughts and experiences. When it comes down to it, I write on here for me. It's just a nicety, a bonus, when I find out other people are interested in it as well. So this last week having lots to write about has been awesome, even if it might be repetitive. I figure it's better to get out some of my thoughts and feelings here rather than keep them inside my own head. (Oh, and I really hope none of it has seemed passive-aggressive. The situation sucked but I'm not bitter about it. If it has come across in that way, I assure all of you, my dear readers, that I'm feeling pretty good about things and honestly don't have much anger at all, if any. Frustration, maybe. But no anger.) Basically, writing is good. Insightful. Helpful. And for some reason it's strangely fun to hint at things and have no one really understand where it's all coming from.

I don't think a list of things I've done to be happy would be complete without mentioning how much I watched YouTube, especially the Shaytards. I love me some YouTube. Here's the thing: You've got to find at least a few channels you love more than anything and watch them on a regular basis. Then you'll start to understand. To steal a nice little phrase from Charles & Alli Trippy, the internet killed television. Watching my favorite YouTubers' current and past videos was, and always is, a nice little escape in some ways but it also made me think about life. It always does. And when I think about life, especially after watching the Shaytards, I can't help but think of Joseph B. Wirthlin saying, "Come what may, and love it." Granted, I didn't have an overly horrible week; I really have had worse ones, but it was the kind of week that really got my mind racing. And that quote truly is the best way to describe how I'm sorting through things.

I hope you're all having fantastic Christmas breaks. I've been pretty pleased with mine so far. My dad made the perfect chocolate chip cookies tonight. For realsies. That's the name of the recipe. Add that to the list of reasons I've chosen to be happy, because can you honestly be sad when you have in your hands a glass of cold milk and a warm, crispy on the outside-gooey on the inside cookie? I think not.

Last YouTube video I watched: Ducknappings increase on BYU campus

Post of Happy Stuff

Yesterday I found via twitter a girl on campus who is a part of the Potter fandom. What the (f) of (x)?! [See what I did there? /Nerd] I'm kind of overly and incredibly stoked about this. It's probably too ridiculous. She's a few years older but having friends of all ages is kind of my life. I mean, I'm friends w/ one of the young men's youth leaders at church. [He has a wife & three young children, so yeah] This is just one of many reasons why I'm excited to return to Utah. I think it's something like 44 days.

Honestly, Utah itself is not that great. Yes, I think the landscape is lovely, the people are nice, many of my friends live there part of the year, but that last one is really the ONLY reason why I will ever live in Utah. In Utah, not of Utah.

There's a lovely band I've been listening to lately, and actually right now, named He Is We. Check them out at http://heiswe.bandcamp.com. I cannot even begin to explain how much of an impact this band has made on my summer in just a few short days, especially their song "Light A Way".

Some quick lyrics:

The morning’s here, and we’re still caught up in the night.
The sky was clear, and everything felt right.
Our time is short, but I’m sure I’ll see you soon.
We’ll take another walk along the bridge, and underneath the moon.
What a find, If I could I’d hit rewind and replay.
All the moments that I wished, I could’ve called you mine.

That is pretty much the EXACT representation of my last few weeks at school. I've mentioned on here about some of the stuff that went down but I would say it's nearly impossible to explain everything that I felt.

Tonight I had a thought about why this is. I'm an articulate person, both verbally and in written form, though when it comes to this I pretty much cannot explain everything that went on in my head. That time of my life was pretty complicated, more so than anyone would think. There was school ending/exams, a boy, saying good-bye to the boys, and more. It might not seem complicated but I made it that way. Yet I was so incredibly happy. I was stressed at times but in the way that I let that stress go any time I was w/ the boy, or any other friends for that matter. When life is complicated like that, I love it. I suppose you could say I love the uncertainty, at least to a degree. I was so prepared for the unexpected after things began moving forward w/ the boy; that worked out incredibly well so anything else unexpected I welcomed with open arms. My roommates didn't understand why I felt basically no sadness once the boy and I established ourselves as only friends but that was just more of the unexpected nature of it all.

When life is simple, as it is now, I feel lost. Literally all I have right now is work and looking forward to being w/ my university friends once more. It's too simple. The simple things in life I'll always appreciate, but I almost enjoy life more when it gives me the most unexpected of things.

Some more lyrics from the song "Light A Way":

And tonight, I pray.
Light a way, on my love.
Light a way, from above.
Shine it down, lead me home,
Back to him.

Please don't misinterpret this as me having been in love. Far from it. Yes, a boy made me incredibly happy for a few weeks but us being friends made me happier than any relationship at that point could have. Friendship is just perfect for me right now. Marriage is at the bottom of my list of priorities. I'm not going to college to get married. I'm going to college to get a freakin' education. I even have a strict policy against not waiting for a missionary; it's called the "You're waiting for a missionary? What are you thinking?" policy. It's definitely possible to wait but why would you? If things are going to work out, yes, you will have to put effort into staying in touch but the extent of waiting is ridiculous. And yes, I do hope to one day see this boy again but if nothing else were to happen besides us sharing our music collections, talking baseball, and sharing stories of our other friends, I would be ecstatic. I know that for this to happen a great number of things will have to be aligned but sometimes the world surprises you; sometimes things end up exactly as you thought they never would.

And now I end this on account of how I need to go to bed. It's almost 2 AM. I did not think I had been writing for this long a time . . . Yikes. So there you have it: a post about happy stuff. And about a lot of random crap that really is not, you know, flowing. So be it.