What's there to be excited about?

John Green's Vlogbrothers video from yesterday was a Question Tuesday. One of the final questions was, "What are you most excited about?" And John really took that question to heart and said something about how he should ask himself that every day. Then John said he wanted us to leave in the comments what we're most excited about.

And I sat at my computer for probably five or more minutes trying to figure out what I'm excited about. I had no idea. What am I excited about? I didn't think it would be that difficult to come up with one thing. I don't think I could've come up with more than one thing without spending a ridiculous amount of time brainstorming, either. (I finally came up with starting the Doug Dorst & JJ Abrams book "S" yesterday afternoon. It's super neat.) It really was in that moment that I realized I'm not excited about things lately. 

Last night Alex Carpenter posted this on his Tumblr: 

I can’t remember the last time I talked to someone who was really happy. And that scares the crap out of me. I hope that things are better for everyone soon.

It's not that I'm unhappy, but like Alex I wouldn't say that I'm "really happy," nor do I know anyone who would call themselves "really happy." I'm pretty much just content; I'm satisfied; I'm a normal amount of happy. But after that post and John's video, I started asking myself why I'm not excited about things.

The answer is I don't know. I think some of the reason is I don't have huge things happening in my life. I've graduated and I have income and I spend lots of time doing relaxing things that I love, like reading books and watching YouTube. But that shouldn't mean I can't be excited about things! My life might be pretty uneventful now, but I should still be excited about the small things. I think it's totally fine to not be excited all the time; there's a lot to be said for being sad some times. It's important that we acknowledge when sad things happen and, you know, be sad. There's nothing wrong with that. 

When it takes me five minutes to figure out one small thing I'm excited about, though? I'd rather not be like that.

So I'm taking the time right now to legitimately think of things I should be excited about that I've maybe been indifferent about or just not even thought of.

• Tomorrow I'll probably go bowling. Last semester I bowled three or more times a week, at least two games every time I went. This year I only go about once a week so it's a real treat. I'm still looking to break 200, which is something I'll be stoked out of my mind about when it happens.
• By the end of the year there's a good chance I won't live in Provo anymore. It's possible that by the end of the summer I'll have moved somewhere else. I've been here five years so going to a new place is going to be, well, awesome.
• I've designed a lot of new posters in the past week. Also related to design is the fact that I was introduced to a new website to find fonts.
• Some time this spring I'll be going back to New York. To visit, I mean. Not to live. (At least I don't think I'll move back there.) There are some days I miss that city immensely. I left a piece of myself there, a lot of pieces probably. I'm scattered all over New York: I-House and the 125th St. subway stop, the Chipotle near Columbia, the Thai place Kelly and I went to nearly every Friday, Coney Island and the ocean, Metrotech in Brooklyn, the Met, various parts of Central Park but especially on the peninsula by the fountain and the lake, the Brooklyn Bridge, the Highline, in the theater where I saw Arthur Darvill in "Once," the tiny theater where I saw Cameron just days after getting to New York. Saying I'm excited to go back is an understatement.
• ShayCarl and his family just finished five years of daily vlogging. That's a momentous thing and I've been watching since October or November of 2009.
• I've worn my Chacos more times this winter than I ever thought I would. It's been in the 50s most days for the entirety of February and March. Plus, I got to wear them all over St. George when I went in January.
• March Madness will start next week. So much basketball.
• I started listening to Rhett and Link's podcast "Ear Biscuits" and it's amazing. They basically just have hour-long conversations with YouTubers except they're way more in-depth and get down to who these YouTubers are beyond video/content creators. So far I've listened to the one where they interview Grace Helbig and I'm part way through the second part of ShayCarl's episode. I just really love YouTube, okay?
• For my birthday I got a nice Moleskine notebook I've been using to start doing typography sketching and stuff like that. It's really fun and really relaxing to write out and design quotes, words, etc. Some of it totally sucks but other sketches I'm actually quite proud of.

Having written all that out, I can honestly say that I feel better about myself and my life. I feel genuinely happier acknowledging all this cool stuff that's going on or will be going on even in the coming months. It's weird how that works, eh? Really taking the time to think about the good things in my life not only makes me more grateful for them but also makes me excited to do more awesome things that will make me happier. It's not like I didn't already know that, that taking the time to be grateful is good for you, but it's important that we always remind ourselves of that. The phrase "happiness is a choice" comes to mind. It's a concept I've come to know and love.

But if you are always striving to choose happiness, and everyday you wake up and you say to yourself, “You know what, I am going to choose to not let the outside influences of the world affect my mood, and I am going to be in charge of how I feel because I am choosing happiness," I promise you that you will lead a lot happier life.

That's from, of course, ShayCarl. And he's so right.

Re-commitment

Now that I have been home from New York for a few days, I've started my life over in some ways. I've explained it to people recently as getting back to my "real life" but really it is starting over. I decided to recommit myself to living a certain way. And it's not that I was living a bad life or that I was unhappy. On the contrary, the two months I spent in New York were quite happy and fulfilling and though last semester was full of tough classes and the like, generally speaking I was still doing pretty well.

But it was time for a change and I'm completely stoked about it.

For one thing, I'm abiding by my Four-Fold Mission more than I ever have before. For those who haven't heard me spout off these four points before, I'll give them to you now:

1) Happiness is a choice.
2) Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.
3) The secrets of life are hidden behind the word cliche.
4) Don't forget to be awesome.

Very recently, Eli McCann, who writes the It Just Gets Stranger blog, had this to say of choices and happiness:

 "There is so much more joy in this life to be had if we decide to be happy rather than let our happiness depend upon the decisions of other people." 

So after reading that I was 100% certain that Eli is a total genius. (His blog has become one of my absolute favorite reads because of both his incredible sense of humor and knack for profundity.)

Beyond my re-commitment to those four points, I'm also taking on a new fitness regimen. Phrasing it like that sounds totally pretentious so let's just say I'll be working out a lot more. And by "a lot more" I mean every day but Sunday. This is where the second point of my four-fold mission really comes in. It's not painful to be who I am right now but changing physically is something I really want to do. I've written countless times about ShayCarl and his weight loss and how he's made an incredible life for himself. It's not that Shay wasn't happy before but once he really started losing weight, the change in his attitude toward life was astounding. I can run a couple miles and be fine but I'm capable of more than that. I know I am. I have little to no upper body strength. But I know I'm capable of more than that.

On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I'm running. Just two days ago I started the Couch-to-5K running plan. Like I said already, I can run two miles, but I figure I might as well give myself a strict schedule to follow to work up to something more. On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I'm doing push-ups. Remember the time I started working toward doing 100 push-ups consecutively? I'm starting that plan again and this time I'll finish it. Last night I was talking to my friend Trent (of the Egg) about all this stuff I'm doing with my life and he brought up a good point about strength. He said it's not so important that I'm physically strong but that I feel strong. He's totally right. What I love about taking control of my life in this way is that I get to be both physically strong and, I guess, mentally strong.

The second to last thing I'm focusing on is cooking. This isn't really a thing I'm committing to again but rather something I'm just going to do again since I didn't get to cook at all in New York. Tonight I'll probably make a master list of ingredients I need to buy so I can start cooking all the Sorted Food recipes I put in a playlist.

And the final thing I'm working on is reading a bunch of typography and graphic design books. This is another thing that isn't a re-commitment but rather just a thing I can finally do now that I have the whole library at my disposal once again. I've already checked out four books on the aforementioned topics and read parts of two of them. It's the most interesting summer reading I've done in a long time. Typography is the coolest subject ever. I already love words so I figure it's a good idea to understand why people choose to make them look like they do.

Living life like I am now is very empowering, more so than I thought it would be. It's gearing up to be an absolutely fantastic summer. The weekends will be full of boating, camping, frisbee, reading, cooking, eating, movie-going and all sorts of other good stuff. Every night I've been back has been spent with my amazing friends and I know the rest of my summer nights will be just the same. From the first night I was back and Ben coming over at midnight to last night doing Taco Tuesday and seeing Monsters University with Badger & others, it's been wonderful. Tonight I'm supposed to see Phillip (also of the Egg) and get ice cream with Ben, and then tomorrow I'm getting dinner w/ Trent. Reuniting with all my friends makes me feel so alive.

Shaytember goals!

Remember how I said I was going to take a break from blogging? Here's a little secret: I lie.

The reason I'm here blogging (for the second time today) is because I've yet to record my 3 goals for Shaytember. What is this Shaytember you ask? Watch this video and you'll know all about it. So here are my three goals for the month of September:

1) I will run at least three 5ks, whether that be three actual races or just running on my own the necessary distance. I need amp up my mileage per run if I ever plan on getting to 150 by the end of the semester.

2) I will film one video a week, not only for the month of September but hopefully for the rest of the semester.

3) I will write down 10 things each day that made me happy.

I also have a fourth goal but that one depends on other people, well, really just one other person, so I'm going to keep it to myself. If I succeed, I'll make sure you all hear about it.

What a great month September will be!

I'm still compiling music for my fall playlist as well. This morning I stumbled upon a gem in my iTunes library. I have no idea where the song came from and I had never listened to it before. My songs are on shuffle 99.9% of the time and this morning was no exception. This song came on. It just . . . feels beautiful. Songs often sound beautiful but to feel beautiful? That's rare.

How I've made happiness a choice

This has definitely been a theme as of late, but I wholeheartedly believe it. It's been a week since the event that shall not be named and I won't say I'm constantly happy but I'm definitely not constantly sad. And here's how I've done it.

I always choose to listen to happy music. Well, not necessarily happy music but music that focuses on moving on/forward/moving at all. It might not sound like overtly happy music, I tend to like a lot of indie rock/folk rock stuff that has lots of random stringed instruments and piano, but the lyrics bring a clear message: blue skies are coming, if I may quote the wonderful Noah And The Whale. NatW has probably been what I've listened to most, and boy, Charlie Fink sure is magical.

Crying is not an option. There are few things I dislike more than crying, one of those things being crying in front of people. Yes, I understand that crying is therapeutic and really helpful when things are legitimately traumatizing and what not. However, I don't think it holds much weight otherwise. It definitely can relieve some stress but once you're done crying . . . you're kind of back where you started. Also, crying makes my voice get all funny, like I'm losing my voice. I don't like it. Why cry when I can actually make decisions? And start, you know, "moving on."

I thought of things that I love about home. I got stuck in Utah an extra three days and at first I was not happy at all, then I got kind of intrigued by the idea, and then I was very unhappy about it. But I couldn't exactly be sad if I had all these great things to look forward to. For example, driving a car. I went, I believe, just over four months without ever sitting in the driver's seat. Yesterday, my dad let me drive when we picked up the deliciously wonderful thin crust pizza I seriously don't know how I live without when I'm at school. Driving is awesome. So when things were sucky, I just thought about how great it would be to drive a car again. Seriously, it worked.

I wrote on this blog. Some of you might be thinking, "Anna, please stop being so cryptic. What happened? This seems a little passive-aggressive. I'm very confused. When will you go back to writing about random things that are more interesting, like cookies and dating in Utah and music you listen to that no one else does?" Writing all of this stuff has been, not therapeutic per se, but I feel as if it has been really a little bit more, you know, deep. I honestly feel like I've been more personal on this blog in the last week than I have been in a long time. Yeah, I'm not sharing what happened, just because I think it'd be weird to, but I've enjoyed writing about it quite a bit. I like the way I wrote about my thoughts and experiences. When it comes down to it, I write on here for me. It's just a nicety, a bonus, when I find out other people are interested in it as well. So this last week having lots to write about has been awesome, even if it might be repetitive. I figure it's better to get out some of my thoughts and feelings here rather than keep them inside my own head. (Oh, and I really hope none of it has seemed passive-aggressive. The situation sucked but I'm not bitter about it. If it has come across in that way, I assure all of you, my dear readers, that I'm feeling pretty good about things and honestly don't have much anger at all, if any. Frustration, maybe. But no anger.) Basically, writing is good. Insightful. Helpful. And for some reason it's strangely fun to hint at things and have no one really understand where it's all coming from.

I don't think a list of things I've done to be happy would be complete without mentioning how much I watched YouTube, especially the Shaytards. I love me some YouTube. Here's the thing: You've got to find at least a few channels you love more than anything and watch them on a regular basis. Then you'll start to understand. To steal a nice little phrase from Charles & Alli Trippy, the internet killed television. Watching my favorite YouTubers' current and past videos was, and always is, a nice little escape in some ways but it also made me think about life. It always does. And when I think about life, especially after watching the Shaytards, I can't help but think of Joseph B. Wirthlin saying, "Come what may, and love it." Granted, I didn't have an overly horrible week; I really have had worse ones, but it was the kind of week that really got my mind racing. And that quote truly is the best way to describe how I'm sorting through things.

I hope you're all having fantastic Christmas breaks. I've been pretty pleased with mine so far. My dad made the perfect chocolate chip cookies tonight. For realsies. That's the name of the recipe. Add that to the list of reasons I've chosen to be happy, because can you honestly be sad when you have in your hands a glass of cold milk and a warm, crispy on the outside-gooey on the inside cookie? I think not.

Last YouTube video I watched: Ducknappings increase on BYU campus

The first time I ever liked running

So this afternoon I decided to go for a run. This is pretty uncharacteristic of me because as much as I want to like running, I never do. I never really want to go. The times I have gone, it's kind of like I'm forcing myself to want to like it. 

Except this afternoon was different.

I decided I wanted to run, despite the fact that it was below 30 degrees, despite the fact that I hadn't been running to just run literally in months, despite the fact that I don't like running at all. But I did it. There was no procrastination involved. There were no thoughts of, "You know, I've got other things to do instead." I decided to run and within 10 minutes I was changed and out the door.

For some reason, this run was helpful. Obviously running is healthy for you, but I don't mean helpful in that way. Whenever I've gone running in the past, I wanted my mind to be clear and I never wanted to think about anything, but I could never seem to turn off my mind. That's what I always love about playing sports: my mind always turned itself off and I was just playing a sport and relaxing. With running that was never the case and it bothered me. I always asked myself, "Why can't I just stop thinking?" 

And today I did stop thinking. All the pain and worry I'd been feeling in the past few days were no where to be found. The need to breathe was all that I felt. Breathing so deeply and just running was suddenly wonderful. Well, maybe not wonderful, but it was strangely nice. The best way to explain it is that the pain of running replaced the pain of everything else. I didn't care how frustrating the whole "situation that shall not be explained" is or how frustrating it is to not have the privilege of just talking to talk. I legitimately like the fact that running hurt.

Remember how in my post from earlier today I decided that now was the time to be happy? The hurt of running made me happy. How weird is that? 

Last YouTube video I watched: LOST in 3 minutes (After watching this again, more than a year after seeing it the first time, I think I've been inspired to watch a bunch of LOST over Christmas break.)

Happiness is a choice (again)

Almost exactly two months ago I wrote a little about happiness. Life was a little better back in October, not substantially better but a little better. The thing is, some things that weren't so great back then are better now. For example, in just about one hour I will be starting my last exam. Being done with this semester is by far better than being stuck in the middle of it. 


I mentioned in that other post how obviously it's easier to be happy when things are going well in life. That is still totally and completely true. But the fact that I've made the decision to choose happiness, to always choose happiness, can be difficult to reconcile with the need to acknowledge pain, a la John Green and the two quotes I used at the end of this post. This finals week has been difficult in ways none of my other finals weeks have been. I am a firm believer in the necessity of experiencing pain and realizing why things are painful. I don't think you should just up and move on immediately after some difficult situation. 
There is a lot to be said for "just standing there, being still, being sad," as John Green puts it. And I've done my fair share of that over the last few days, so now it's time to be happy again, because as interesting and expressive and important as being sad is, it's not as nice as being happy. 


Basically, once my exams are over, I'm choosing to be happy again. Yes, it will be hard, but I would much rather be faking happiness for a little while than wallowing in real sadness for a long time. Some of me worries whether or not I need to be sad for longer, like I need to mourn for a specific amount of time, but that just seems ridiculous. Then again, it's also ridiculous for me to decide that I won't be sad anymore, as if it's that simple.


I want to try, though, because eventually I won't have to try to not be sad. I just won't be sad anymore. 


Last YouTube video I watched: Noah And The Whale - Blue Skies

Happiness is a choice

It's been a week now since I got into the journalism program and I don't think the feeling has quite worn off yet. There are still plenty of people I haven't gotten to tell for one reason or another, the biggest one being I don't get to see half of my friends as often as I should.

Perhaps the most exciting thing to happen so far because of getting in, well, besides getting Cafe Rio for dinner, was looking at the school website to figure out what classes I want to take next semester. Under a drop down menu that has options such as Elective and University Core were the words "Communications Journalism Emphasis." That was the first time I had seen such a thing on an official document. It felt really good.

In regard to other happy things in my life, basically everything right now is great. Classes are busy but not stressful, and most of them are quite fun. (Today was actually the last day of my tennis class, quite a shame really.) I've got friends, new and old. There have been a few dates already, all of which have been great. (I wouldn't call the going-on-dates aspect surprising, it's more so just different.) The football team has been winning thanks to the wonderful Riley Nelson. Back home the Badgers and Packers are dominating as well; plus, the Brewers just ended an incredible season of their own. And just yesterday I added three new Threadless shirts to my wardrobe. Church is awesome and I love the people I get to see every day.

Despite all of these great things going on in my life right now, it's important to remember that no matter how well things are going, happiness is a choice. Things aren't perfect in life, they never are. There are plenty of things I worry about and every day nothing goes exactly right, but I don't want to talk about that stuff, because happiness is choice. While it is easier to be happy when MOST things are going well, it's just another opportunity to choose that happiness. Make the decision now to be happy and staying happy is definitely easier. I might not always be confident in the choices I make or with what is going on in my life, but I am always optimistic. Well, maybe not ALWAYS. But USUALLY. It sure beats the alternative. I don't take credit for the "happiness is a choice" dealio, though. I mean, lots of people say it, but no one lives it quite like Shay Carl does.

So now I command you all to go out and be happy.

Last YouTube video I watched: Fast Food Pizza Cake (I think Epic Meal Time has become my guilty pleasure YouTube channel.)