Almost exactly two months ago I wrote a little about happiness. Life was a little better back in October, not substantially better but a little better. The thing is, some things that weren't so great back then are better now. For example, in just about one hour I will be starting my last exam. Being done with this semester is by far better than being stuck in the middle of it.
I mentioned in that other post how obviously it's easier to be happy when things are going well in life. That is still totally and completely true. But the fact that I've made the decision to choose happiness, to always choose happiness, can be difficult to reconcile with the need to acknowledge pain, a la John Green and the two quotes I used at the end of this post. This finals week has been difficult in ways none of my other finals weeks have been. I am a firm believer in the necessity of experiencing pain and realizing why things are painful. I don't think you should just up and move on immediately after some difficult situation.
There is a lot to be said for "just standing there, being still, being sad," as John Green puts it. And I've done my fair share of that over the last few days, so now it's time to be happy again, because as interesting and expressive and important as being sad is, it's not as nice as being happy.
Basically, once my exams are over, I'm choosing to be happy again. Yes, it will be hard, but I would much rather be faking happiness for a little while than wallowing in real sadness for a long time. Some of me worries whether or not I need to be sad for longer, like I need to mourn for a specific amount of time, but that just seems ridiculous. Then again, it's also ridiculous for me to decide that I won't be sad anymore, as if it's that simple.
I want to try, though, because eventually I won't have to try to not be sad. I just won't be sad anymore.
Last YouTube video I watched: Noah And The Whale - Blue Skies