Except this afternoon was different.
I decided I wanted to run, despite the fact that it was below 30 degrees, despite the fact that I hadn't been running to just run literally in months, despite the fact that I don't like running at all. But I did it. There was no procrastination involved. There were no thoughts of, "You know, I've got other things to do instead." I decided to run and within 10 minutes I was changed and out the door.
For some reason, this run was helpful. Obviously running is healthy for you, but I don't mean helpful in that way. Whenever I've gone running in the past, I wanted my mind to be clear and I never wanted to think about anything, but I could never seem to turn off my mind. That's what I always love about playing sports: my mind always turned itself off and I was just playing a sport and relaxing. With running that was never the case and it bothered me. I always asked myself, "Why can't I just stop thinking?"
And today I did stop thinking. All the pain and worry I'd been feeling in the past few days were no where to be found. The need to breathe was all that I felt. Breathing so deeply and just running was suddenly wonderful. Well, maybe not wonderful, but it was strangely nice. The best way to explain it is that the pain of running replaced the pain of everything else. I didn't care how frustrating the whole "situation that shall not be explained" is or how frustrating it is to not have the privilege of just talking to talk. I legitimately like the fact that running hurt.
Remember how in my post from earlier today I decided that now was the time to be happy? The hurt of running made me happy. How weird is that?
Last YouTube video I watched: LOST in 3 minutes (After watching this again, more than a year after seeing it the first time, I think I've been inspired to watch a bunch of LOST over Christmas break.)