Monday, December 19, 2011

How I've made happiness a choice

This has definitely been a theme as of late, but I wholeheartedly believe it. It's been a week since the event that shall not be named and I won't say I'm constantly happy but I'm definitely not constantly sad. And here's how I've done it.

I always choose to listen to happy music. Well, not necessarily happy music but music that focuses on moving on/forward/moving at all. It might not sound like overtly happy music, I tend to like a lot of indie rock/folk rock stuff that has lots of random stringed instruments and piano, but the lyrics bring a clear message: blue skies are coming, if I may quote the wonderful Noah And The Whale. NatW has probably been what I've listened to most, and boy, Charlie Fink sure is magical.

Crying is not an option. There are few things I dislike more than crying, one of those things being crying in front of people. Yes, I understand that crying is therapeutic and really helpful when things are legitimately traumatizing and what not. However, I don't think it holds much weight otherwise. It definitely can relieve some stress but once you're done crying . . . you're kind of back where you started. Also, crying makes my voice get all funny, like I'm losing my voice. I don't like it. Why cry when I can actually make decisions? And start, you know, "moving on."

I thought of things that I love about home. I got stuck in Utah an extra three days and at first I was not happy at all, then I got kind of intrigued by the idea, and then I was very unhappy about it. But I couldn't exactly be sad if I had all these great things to look forward to. For example, driving a car. I went, I believe, just over four months without ever sitting in the driver's seat. Yesterday, my dad let me drive when we picked up the deliciously wonderful thin crust pizza I seriously don't know how I live without when I'm at school. Driving is awesome. So when things were sucky, I just thought about how great it would be to drive a car again. Seriously, it worked.

I wrote on this blog. Some of you might be thinking, "Anna, please stop being so cryptic. What happened? This seems a little passive-aggressive. I'm very confused. When will you go back to writing about random things that are more interesting, like cookies and dating in Utah and music you listen to that no one else does?" Writing all of this stuff has been, not therapeutic per se, but I feel as if it has been really a little bit more, you know, deep. I honestly feel like I've been more personal on this blog in the last week than I have been in a long time. Yeah, I'm not sharing what happened, just because I think it'd be weird to, but I've enjoyed writing about it quite a bit. I like the way I wrote about my thoughts and experiences. When it comes down to it, I write on here for me. It's just a nicety, a bonus, when I find out other people are interested in it as well. So this last week having lots to write about has been awesome, even if it might be repetitive. I figure it's better to get out some of my thoughts and feelings here rather than keep them inside my own head. (Oh, and I really hope none of it has seemed passive-aggressive. The situation sucked but I'm not bitter about it. If it has come across in that way, I assure all of you, my dear readers, that I'm feeling pretty good about things and honestly don't have much anger at all, if any. Frustration, maybe. But no anger.) Basically, writing is good. Insightful. Helpful. And for some reason it's strangely fun to hint at things and have no one really understand where it's all coming from.

I don't think a list of things I've done to be happy would be complete without mentioning how much I watched YouTube, especially the Shaytards. I love me some YouTube. Here's the thing: You've got to find at least a few channels you love more than anything and watch them on a regular basis. Then you'll start to understand. To steal a nice little phrase from Charles & Alli Trippy, the internet killed television. Watching my favorite YouTubers' current and past videos was, and always is, a nice little escape in some ways but it also made me think about life. It always does. And when I think about life, especially after watching the Shaytards, I can't help but think of Joseph B. Wirthlin saying, "Come what may, and love it." Granted, I didn't have an overly horrible week; I really have had worse ones, but it was the kind of week that really got my mind racing. And that quote truly is the best way to describe how I'm sorting through things.

I hope you're all having fantastic Christmas breaks. I've been pretty pleased with mine so far. My dad made the perfect chocolate chip cookies tonight. For realsies. That's the name of the recipe. Add that to the list of reasons I've chosen to be happy, because can you honestly be sad when you have in your hands a glass of cold milk and a warm, crispy on the outside-gooey on the inside cookie? I think not.

Last YouTube video I watched: Ducknappings increase on BYU campus

1 comment:

Becca said...

love me some shaytards. also: that youtube video on ducks is ridiculous. and i love this post. :)